I finished my croissant and gathered the breadcrumbs in a bag. The many pigeons in the park wanted the leftover crumbs. They all started flying around me or skirting just enough to tell me they wanted the crumbs. A little while later, one pigeon sat before me, making eye contact. I said to him, “Oh! You are so courageous to sit here and ask for these crumbs. Here, take it.”
This incident made me think about human behaviour. So many of us want many things, yet, how many seek out what they want? How many ask for what they want? A handful?
The rest are all just skirting around and hoping we get the breadcrumbs. I concluded that the pigeon that came to my table dared to come and ask for it.
It showed the courage to get what it wanted. The Courage which so many of us find difficult to muster in order to get what we want.
Courage is a Behavioural Choice
Courage is a behavioural choice; not in the absence of fear, but despite fear; and going for the prize anyway. We all have dreams and things we want to achieve, yet most of us never really try going for it. The dream could be to get in shape, get promoted, draw boundaries, or just be. Yet, we find excuses and avoid asking for the things we want. Avoidance comes from fear, and we need to seek out the courage within, despite it.
For centuries, the topic of courage has been a philosophical discussion and has gained some traction in the psychological debates due to positive psychology. Courage has three aspects to it: fear, action, and purpose.
To develop courage within, one must face fear and analyse it; plan an action to take and seek the purpose for the action. In my need to find that courage to seek what I wanted, I started studying how to develop the courage to live the life I wanted. Here I will list out the practices that I adopted which have served me well to develop courage within me effectively.
- Creating an Ecosystem
I read this on Instagram: “why would you accept an opinion from people you would not take advice from?”
This resonated with me because a person who was not worthy of getting advice from meant I did not respect them enough and therefore their opinion of me redundant. I started creating an ecosystem that allowed me to thrive. It is important to surround ourselves with people who have done things that we want to do. For example, if you want to lose weight, surround yourself with those who choose a healthy lifestyle. If you want to start a business, then start attending networking events of entrepreneurs – their stories of successes and failures and learning will add wisdom and knowledge, which will help you in making informed decisions.
Creating relationships with people who have achieved things that you want, will help assess the reality of your fear, solidify your purpose and bring wisdom and knowledge to your action plan.
- Introspection
Our cultures and families (also an extension of our culture) bombard us with information about us. Their perceptions of us have helped define who we are. Breaking through those definitions about us requires self-reflection.
Introspection helps us sit with ourselves and ask those difficult questions that we (may otherwise) prefer to escape. Self-reflection is a powerful tool that can help understand who we are; and our fears, (our) reasons behind the said action or the lack of it. Since this could bring up emotional stuff, we must do this in an emotionally safe environment.
This could be with your coach or therapist who will hold the space objectively allowing you to successfully deal with whatever comes up. Difficult conversations with a trusted other are a safe way to move forward and seek the answers that will promote growth and bring clarity.
- Creating Experiences
Pushing oneself out of a comfort zone builds confidence in your ability to do something new. It gives a sense of achievement and builds resilience, self-efficacy and optimism to do new things. Learning new things, experiencing new ways of being or just achieving a small goal creates a sense of well-being and a growth mindset. This directly impacts how one feels about oneself and one’s ability to undertake and commit to new things. As you increase your psychological capital, you can innovatively deal with new ideas, obstacles, and problems.
- Discipline
Most of the above could be achieved by bouts of motivation. However, motivation does not always last, and it is easy to slump into old ways of being. Discipline is our friend in the long run. That is where a good ecosystem comes into play like having an accountability partner.
Someone who will get us going when the going gets tough. Someone who has been in our shoes and understands when fear gets the better of us. By showing up for us every day, we build hope and assurance within us of our ability to achieve what we want. Taking small steps daily instead of a few big steps when motivation strikes create self-serving behaviours.
Finally, courage is the friend we are afraid to seek out but most certainly need to have. It becomes the driving force behind everything that we do. Most importantly, it allows us to become the person we want and stand tall in adversity. All the above steps act as building blocks to develop courage, allowing us to thrive in our environments.
So, how about making a New Year Resolution to develop this courage?!!
References:
Santisi, G., Lodi, E., Magnano, P., Zarbo, R., & Zammitti, A. (2020). Relationship between Psychological Capital and Quality of Life: The Role of Courage. Sustainaibility, 12(13). https://doi.org/10.3390/su12135238
Shea, L. M. (2020). The Courage to Be: Using DBT Skills to Choose Who to Be in Uncertainty. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 61(2). https://doi.org/https://doi-org.ezproxy.brunel.ac.uk/10.1177/0022167820950887
Lowery, K. (2019). ‘What are you willing to do?’: The development of courage in social justice leaders. International Journal of Leadership in Education, 25(1), 1-120. https://doi.org/https://doi-org.ezproxy.brunel.ac.uk/10.1080/13603124.2019.1690698