Emotions are often portrayed as irresistible forces that have an immense influence on our behaviour. However, people are much more flexible in dealing with their emotions and can control virtually every aspect of emotional processing. They can control how emotion directs our attention, the thinking patterns that shape the emotional experience and the physiological consequences of emotions. These and other processes whereby people manage their own emotions are commonly referred to as emotional regulation. First emerged in the mid-1990s, emotional regulation has been a topic of discussion ever since. In fact, it has been linked to positive outcomes for mental wellbeing, physical health, relationship satisfaction and work performance.
Benefits of Emotional Regulation
- Improved Mental Health and Stability: Emotional regulation helps in reducing the risk of developing or exacerbating mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety or PTSD. By learning to regulate emotions, individuals can reduce the likelihood of experiencing intense or prolonged episodes of emotional distress.
- Reduced Stress and Anxiety: Unregulated emotions can lead to chronic stress, which can increase the risk of developing anxiety disorders and other stress-related health issues. Learning emotional regulation techniques can help manage stress levels more effectively and create a sense of calm and wellbeing.
- Greater Resilience and Coping: Resilience is the ability to adapt to challenges and recover from setbacks. Emotional regulation equips individuals with the tools they need to remain calm and composed in difficult situations. This allows them to assess challenges rationally and respond in ways that promote constructive outcomes.
- Enhanced Relationships: Emotional regulation helps us communicate more effectively, respond to others with empathy, and avoid impulsive reactions that can lead to conflict. People who practice healthy emotional regulation are more likely to build strong, supportive relationships and navigate social challenges with grace and patience.
- Better Physical Health: Emotional health and physical health are profoundly connected. Just as chronic stress leads to physical problems, managing your emotions effectively can take away the toll of stress and promote better overall health.
Daily Skills for Emotional Regulation & Mental Wellbeing
We all are taught that emotions aren’t rational. That they are supposed to be hidden in the deepest recesses of our minds and hearts and squashed down until they disappear. That is why many of us fear emotions. But that is only until we allow ourselves to experience them and understand that just like the waves of the ocean, emotions rise and fall off their own accord.Seeing Emotions For What They Are
The first step towards healthy processing of emotions is to look at them, just the way they are. It is to remember, “You are not your feelings and your feelings are not who you are.” Each emotion offers you information, especially about what you need. When you look at them with curiosity rather than blocking them, you learn and discover your needs. That is when you can do something to fulfil that need.
For example, Emma noticed she felt unusually irritable every Sunday evening. Instead of criticising herself for being “negative,” she became curious about the emotion and realised she was feeling anxious about the busy workweek ahead. Understanding the true emotion allowed her to prepare for Monday with more intention instead of carrying the anxiety into the entire week.
Self-Soothing
When emotions become overwhelming it’s very easy to say they will rise, peak and descend, but the reality of that experience can be excruciating, and lead to strong urges to do unhealthy or even dangerous things to make it all disappear sooner. Therefore, when we are overwhelmed, the best strategy is to step back and be mindful of that emotion as much as possible, see it as a temporary experience, and to turn down the dial on our threat response by soothing our way through it. Self-soothing is any set of behaviours that help you to feel safe and soothed as you experience an overwhelming emotion. There are lots of ways we can do this:
- A warm drink
- A chat with a trusted friend or loved one
- Physical movement
- Calming music
- Beautiful images
- Slow breathing
- Relaxation techniques
- A scent or perfume you associate with safeness and comfort
- A warm bath to relax your muscles
For instance, after receiving difficult feedback at work, you felt overwhelmed and wanted to send an emotional response immediately. Instead, you made yourself a cup of tea, listened to calming music during your ride home, and took a short walk before replying. By giving your emotions time to settle, you were able to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively.
Pick a Name
When you are feeling something, name it. Learn lots of names for lots of emotions. We don’t only feel happy, sad, fearful or angry. We feel vulnerable and ashamed, bitter and grateful, inadequate and excited. Notice what you feel, notice where you feel it in your body, and label it. Increasing your emotional vocabulary so that you can distinguish finely between different emotions helps you to regulate those emotions and choose the most helpful responses in social situations.
For example, Charlotte initially described herself as “angry” when her close friend cancelled their plans at the last minute. After reflecting, she realised that she felt disappointed, unimportant, and lonely. Naming these specific emotions helped her explain how the cancellation affected her without accusing her friend of not caring.
Pause Before Reacting
Whenever we feel an overwhelming emotion, our first instinct is to react. However, that usually ends up in negative consequences for us. Therefore, it is important to train yourself to take a deliberate pause. A few deep breaths can be incredibly effective. This simple act interrupts the brain’s automatic fight-or-flight response, giving your rational mind a chance to catch up. The pause allows you to choose your response rather than being driven by impulse, preventing you from saying or doing something you might later regret.
Imagine James discovering that his teenage daughter had lied about where she had been after school. His first impulse was to shout and immediately take away her phone. Instead, he paused, took several deep breaths, and waited until he felt calmer before speaking to her. This allowed him to address the behaviour firmly while also understanding why she had been afraid to tell him the truth.
Mindful Check-Ins
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. A simple way to inculcate in your daily life is to ask yourself a few times in the day: “What am I feeling right now? Where do I feel it in my body?” Naming the emotion (e.g., “This is anxiety” or “I feel frustrated”) creates distance and reduces its power over you. This habit helps you recognize emotional triggers before they escalate.
For instance, while travelling on a crowded MTR, Sarah noticed that the noise, physical closeness, and rush of people were making her increasingly tense. During a mindful check-in, she recognised tightness in her chest and the urge to become impatient. She relaxed her shoulders, slowed her breathing, and reminded herself that the discomfort was temporary.
Journaling
At the end of each day, just spend 5 minutes writing down about your day. Write about the emotion that you felt most strongly in the day. Write about the situation that triggered it. And lastly, write how you responded to it. This practice, known as expressive writing, helps you process your feelings and identify recurring patterns in your emotional responses. Over time, you’ll gain valuable insight into what throws you off balance and develop healthier ways to cope.
For example, after journaling for several weeks, Benjamin noticed that he felt especially lonely on weekends when he spent most of his time scrolling through social media and comparing his life with other people’s. Recognising this pattern encouraged him to limit his screen time, reconnect with friends, and join a local interest group. These changes gradually supported his emotional regulation and mental wellbeing.
Emotional regulation is not about suppressing difficult feelings, but about understanding them and choosing healthier responses. And practising emotional regulation does not require major life changes. Small daily habits, such as naming your emotions, pausing before reacting, journaling, or taking a few slow breaths, can gradually improve your mental wellbeing. These skills can help you manage everyday challenges with greater calm, awareness, and flexibility. With patience, consistency, and self-compassion, you can build stronger emotional resilience, improve your relationships, make better decisions, and handle stress more effectively. Over time, these small efforts can contribute to a more balanced emotional life and a greater sense of overall wellbeing.
Photo Credits: Nadia_bormotova
Citations
Kalsi, A. K. (2026). 5 Daily habits to improve your emotional regulation. Doral Health & Wellness.
https://doralhw.org/5-daily-habits-to-improve-your-emotional-regulation/
Koole, S. L. (2009). The psychology of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Cognition and emotion, 23(1), 4-41.
Smith, J. (2022). Why has nobody told me this before? HarperOne.
Smith, K. (2024). The Enormous Benefits of Regulating Your Emotions. Greater Boston Behavioral Health.
https://greaterbostonbehavioralhealth.com/rehab-blog/benefits-of-regulating-your-emotions/
Ruchi Om
About the author
Ruchi Om is the founder of ‘the mind talk’ and a counsellor registered with ACA. She believes that the road to personal growth and development might prove challenging at times but it is worth it. She believes that we all have agency and we must move forward in life with intention and purpose. In addition, she continues to specialise in learning and training in classrooms and trains parents in the art of parenting and conflict management.
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