“Wow, you’re so strong. I don’t know how you do it.” This is very commonly found in various casual conversations with women.
It’s a phrase many women hear and, at first, it makes you feel confident and in control of your situation. Who doesn’t want to be admired for resilience, for being the one others can count on? Yet beneath the praise often lies a silent burden – the expectation that strength must never fall apart. Over time, what began as a compliment can make you feel trapped within yourself.
This reality is sometimes described as “Strong Woman Syndrome.” While not a formal psychological diagnosis, it can be defined as the constant pressure to show competence, composure, and care, even when they are exhausted, overwhelmed, or hurting. It is important that rather than glorifying such concepts we must be mindful of the messages it carries for young women.
The Origins of “Strength” Expectations
The origins of this pressure often begins in childhood. From a young age, many girls are praised for being “mature,” “helpful,” or “responsible.” These qualities are valuable, but when reinforced time and again, girls subconsciously form an identity that revolves around holding everything together. We must consider what message this term carries for women and what an important role it may play in defining who they are. Social media and the internet have been found to glorify these traits amongst women and made it synonymous with being confident. In reality, this is not true and could negatively impact women in social circumstances and the workplace.
As they step into adulthood, the road ahead is fraught with challenges. Careers, relationships, family responsibilities, and caregiving roles – all to be dealt with, together. Research on gender roles highlights that women are disproportionately engaged in emotional labour – the invisible effort of managing not only their own emotions but also soothing the feelings of others (Hochschild & Machung, 2012). Over time, this unpaid and often unacknowledged labour can become exhausting.
The “strong woman” label then becomes both a badge of honour and an expectation: you can do it all, so you must do it all.
The Costs of Carrying the Mask
Outwardly, strength looks admirable. But when it becomes the only acceptable way to exist, the emotional costs are draining.
Suppressed emotions
Constantly exhibiting composure leaves little space for sadness, fear, or anger. These feelings don’t disappear; they build beneath the surface, leading to stress, which may manifest into physical health issues. Signs of these could be lowered energy, fatigue, or insomnia.
Isolation
When a woman looks like she “has it together,” others may overlook her need for care and support. Paradoxically, the stronger you appear, the lonelier you may feel. It is important that when we see women doing it all, we show empathy and language that reflects high emotional intelligence.
Burnout
Juggling multiple roles – career professional, caregiver, partner, friend – without adequate rest can lead to exhaustion. Studies on perfectionism show that when women feel they must meet impossible external standards, their risk of anxiety, depression, and emotional burnout increases (Hewitt & Flett, 1991).
Identity conflict
Being overly invested with the idea of being strong can make vulnerability feel unsafe. Instead of accepting flaws and weaknesses as human, we tend to get stuck in an internal conflict between authenticity and expectations.
Why Vulnerability is Strength in Disguise
One of the most powerful misconceptions women carry is that vulnerability equates to weakness. But research paints a different picture. Brené Brown (2012) describes vulnerability as the birthplace of connection, creativity, and courage.
In therapy, some of the most defining moments occur when a woman whispers, “I’m tired of being strong.” That acknowledgement – raw, honest, human – is usually the first step toward a sense of calm. Far from depleting reserves of strength, vulnerability allows it to breathe. It opens pathways to deeper connections, because only when we share our struggles can others step forward to support us.
Breaking Free: Practical Tips for Women
Removing the “strong woman” mask does not impact resilience. On the contrary, true strength lies in embracing rest, softness, and self-compassion. Here are a few steps that can help:
Redefine what strength means: The clue is Nonverbal Communication
- Instead of equating it with “doing it all,” reframe strength as knowing your limits, setting boundaries, and seeking help when needed. Society has made us believe that loud means strength. In reality, it is the nonverbal gestures that, although quiet and silent, communicate the loudest. Nonverbal signals like our body language when our boundaries are overstepped or maintaining a polite distance from those that may ask too much of us. Sometimes women feel the need to prove themselves in their workplace. While our careers are important, remember that reaching the top and achieving success is a marathon not a sprint.
Check in with your emotions: Bring Empathy to the table
- Take small pauses to ask: What am I actually feeling right now? What do I need? Journaling or mindfulness practices can help you stay connected to your inner world.
Cultivate reciprocal support: Support systems that nurture emotional intelligence
- Surround yourself with people who give as much as they receive. Friendships and partnerships should not be one-way streets. The importance of emotional intelligence cannot be overstated..become an effective communicator and learn to ask for what you need. Remember, you don’t have to have it all.
Challenge perfectionism: Listening to our Internal Voice
- Accept that some days will be messy, some roles will feel neglected, and that’s okay. Research consistently shows that self-compassion is a healthier motivator than self-criticism (Neff, 2003). Listening and staying aware of our internal dialogue and how it interacts with our body language can be the key to profound change.
Seek safe spaces: The Importance of Effective Communication Skills
- Whether through counselling, support groups, or trusted confidants, having a place where you don’t need to be the “strong one” can be profoundly healing. Safe spaces offer an opportunity to be heard because they promote effective communication skills by promoting communication through techniques of practicing active listening, advocating for empathy, bringing awareness to the tone and the use of words, and finally maintaining eye contact.
A Personal Reflection
Even as a counsellor, I sometimes find myself submerged in a whirlpool of the strong woman persona. There are times I am wary of admitting to my struggles, fearing I might unnecessarily burden someone else. But then realisation dawns – that every time I allow myself to lean on another person – whether a friend, mentor, or professional – I’m reminded that true strength is interactive. It doesn’t live in isolation.
Strength is not about never bending; it’s about knowing when to share the weight.
Closing Thoughts
“Strong Woman Syndrome” highlights a paradox: what society praises in women can also quietly drain them. Strength is commendable, but it should never come at the cost of authenticity, connection, and mental health.
The world doesn’t need women who are endlessly unfaltering. It needs women who are whole – sometimes strong, sometimes vulnerable, always human.
If you’ve been carrying the mask of strength for too long, maybe it’s time to set it down. Because the truth is, you don’t need to be strong all the time to be worthy.
Photo Credits:
First image: Andry Djumantara
Second image: jacoblund
References
Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.
Hewitt, P. L., & Flett, G. L. (1991). Perfectionism in the self and social contexts: Conceptualization, assessment, and association with psychopathology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(3), 456–470. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.60.3.456
Hochschild, A. R., & Machung, A. (2012). The second shift: Working families and the revolution at home (Rev. ed.). Penguin. (Original work published 1983)
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032
Walker, S. N., & Taylor, S. E. (2014). Health, coping, and resilience in women. In C. S. Dunkel & M. C. Leary (Eds.), The Oxford handbook of health psychology (pp. 259–278). Oxford University Press.
Wood, J. V., Heimpel, S. A., & Michela, J. L. (2003). Savoring versus dampening: Self-esteem differences in regulating positive affect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(3), 566–580. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.3.566
Shevangi Gandhi
About the author
I’m Shevangi Gandhi, a Mental health counsellor and Founder of Mentewise. I started Mentewise with the hope of creating a safe, non-judgmental space where my clients can talk openly about their struggles. My work focuses on helping people navigate anxiety, stress, and mild depression with compassion and practical strategies. At Mentewise, I believe therapy isn’t about being “fixed” – it’s about being understood and supported as you grow.
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